Saturday, August 3, 2013

coffee corners//not by my strength

A new morning.
A new day.
A new beginning.

I'm just going to be straight up real here.

This summer has been one of the most trying seasons of my life.
My stress level has gone above any reasonable amount by about two days into it.
I have lost sense of who i am because I have become so lost with work and the responsibility that has come with it.
I have become completely consumed by a constant strain of worry, fear, and uneasiness.
And as much fun as I have had already these past few months, they are just a smattering of small amounts among my time living with, what feels like, the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Okay okay, so that does seem a little dramatic for just a summer job.
But, still being honest, jobs have always come easy for me.
I took pride in my work done well and never doubted my skills as a employee.
But this summer is entirely different.
I have been tested in every area of my life that, only Lord knows, needed the most attention.


Yesterday was the breaking point that came with a complete breakdown in the company truck and my fingers tingling with the thought of just throwing in the towel right then and there.
My heart has constantly been whispering one single question this summer....
Why me?
And I still have two weeks left.

Yet, here I am, making me some breakfast, donning my fluffy blue robe at 7:30 in the morning on a Saturday, and literally rocking out to the Jeremy Camp song blastin' on the radio.

All of who You are reaches the darkest parts
Lifting the weight and erasing the scars that had a hold on me
Here I am bearing all, tearing down every wall
So amazed by Your grace and the way You're still holding me

My God, You are the unchanging love
My God, Your heart sends hope from above
The great Creator, beautiful Savior
I've been redeemed
There is life now from Your victory
You are my God
You are my God

When my hope starts fading out
You are where my strength is found
I know I won't be alone

My God, You are a beautiful love

Let me emphasize that bit one more time...
When my hope starts fading out
You are where my strength is found
I know I won't be alone

You guys....
My heart is literally soaring at those words right now.
Like sprinting across a field right now and taking off into a full-on flight as I type these words.
....Best way to describe it at the moment bahahahaa.

My words may seem calm right now, but I was just dancing around the kitchen in my jammies a few minutes ago during this song soooo........just keep that image in my mind as you read on.

As much as I am dreading these new few weeks and have no idea what to expect...
I AM EXCITED! Because right now, the Lord is teaching me to lean on Him during this time of trial.
My energy level is currently running on empty. My back is a knotty mess of stress. My eyes now have permaent bags of darkness underneath them.
But only through the strength and grace of God, I am going to be able to finish out this summer strong.

Again, this may seem like the most trivial and smallest dilemma in the grander scheme of things.
I know many more people who are going through so much more than learning to get through a tough summer job.
But God is making one thing quite apparent to me, and I encourage whoever may have gotten through this rambling and long post, to apply it in their own lives today.

Moral of the story:  
Our own strength will never get us through craziness called life.
This kind of strength can only come from the King of Kings, Creator of the Universe, and our Father. 

These trials in our life, we are like a damaged and wounded solider coming up from the battlegrounds, waving a flag with the littlest amount of strength we may have left.
But not a flag of defeat.
A flag of determination, willpower, drive, courage, valor, persistence, and God-confident assurance.

There is life now from your Victory. 
You are MY God. 

p.s. In other goose-bump prompting news....
Tom left a note for me yesterday before leaving for a week with the boys.
And of course, only through pertinent God-ordained words.
Oh goodness, does our Lord work in the most mysterious ways, that's for sure.

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.  Glory to Him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen."
-Ephesians 3:20-21   
Cue the goosebumps once again.

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